I AM
Learning to look deeper,
within myself,
to acknowledge self-perceived flaws,
and the mistakes I have become overtly aware of.
The regrets,
the shame,
the bitterness,
the anger.
To understand and embrace the parts of me I once hated,
that I regretted,
that I rejected.
I AM
Allowing painful memories to surface,
acknowledging the pain,
the hurt,
the mental torment,
asking questions and scratching the surface,
yet still wanting to bury it all deep down again.
I look in the mirror and realize she is a stranger.
After all these years, all I truly know about this person
is that she survived another day:
Misunderstood,
unheard,
unseen.
Unseen by myself.
I didn’t even see myself,
unseen by my own eyes,
spirit ignored,
begging God to remove whatever curse was upon me.
Yet I still found gratitude.
Therapy,
journaling,
writing,
healing,
praying,
meditating,
crystals,
reading,
talking,
shadow work,
psalms,
plants.
I AM
Finding my tribe,
finding my people,
protecting my energy,
releasing some people,
releasing parts of myself.
I realized:
I deserved better,
something had to change,
I had to truly feel—
even if it meant feeling pain,
even if it felt weird,
even if I was weird.
Even if I was afraid.
I owed myself better.
My inner being needed better.
Not a better me, but a loved me.
Searching for answers,
searching for God,
searching for Yah,
searching for my Creator,
searching for whom?
ME.
Self-awareness,
self-healing,
self-encouragement,
self-empowerment,
self-love,
self-realization,
self-affirmation.
The more I cried out to God,the more I found… ME.
I AM the answer to my prayers.
When I heal myself, I heal generations.
-Illuminated Noire
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